I've always been a thinker, a ponderer...a collector of thoughts. I contemplate life endlessly and am never quite certain as to the path I should be following.
The other day, while languishing on the sofa in a state of semi-sleep, I could hear the faint buzzing of a fly against the glass of the window. Over and over, it circled the perimeter trying to find its way to the outdoors. It could see where it wanted to go, but just couldn't manage to get there.
I started to think about that fly and about how its behavior mirrors my own. I also look out at the world before me and find that, for some reason, there is a seemingly invisible force holding me back from the life I want to live. For me, this force isn't transparent like a sheet of glass, rather it's a little smudged and obscure, as things have a tendency to become over time, making it not easily penetrated by the light that could bring clarity and guide my way.
This weighs on me...making me feel restless and weary, frustrated and consumed. Recently, while talking with my son, he wondered what I hoped to be when I grow up. I just sighed, shrugged my shoulders and told him that I wish I knew. The sad thing is that I'm so far beyond being grown up that I wonder if I'll ever know the answer to his question.
The need to reflect and figure things out is always there, encompassing my thoughts and taking up my time. Because of this, I've had less to give to my space here and less time for visiting. For the moment, I'm just trying to give a little love to the other pieces of my world.
xo Tricia
I understand where you are and hope you're able to eventually find that passion. Love the image.
ReplyDeleteI so hear you Tricia. Sending you an email. Hugs, Courtney
ReplyDelete... sometimes we just need to sit still and listen...the answers are there...and yet I completely understand your words because I often feel the same way.... hope you have a weekend full of love, which at the end of the day is what keeps your heart young and your soul fulfilled.... Luv ya bunches!
ReplyDeleteLu
I'm not good at giving advice, but I'm a good listener. I think I understand how you feel, as I have felt the same way...I just try to look at everything in a positive way, and that helps.
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking of you.
XO,
Jane
I honestly know that restless feeling! My oldest son asks me all of the time what he should be when he grows up, I just hope he finds something that fulfills his life and makes him gloriously happy. I wish I knew where it was that I'm suppose to be in my life, but so far, I'm just back to feeling a little restless too.
ReplyDeleteHave a beautiful day.
Sincerely,
Melinda
I'm with you....I sometimes panick that I may just waste my life away because I have yet to follow a dream, what am I suppose to do, where am I suppose to be? I don't want to just sit by and stare at life going on around me, then I pray and gather the faith to believe that this certainly cannot be all that life has to offer me =)....sending warmth your way Tricia! Xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteOf course you want to be a talented photographer when you grow up. One who captures your audience's attention and draws them in and makes their heart beat a little faster when they see what you have captured on film.
ReplyDeleteOkay, having said all of that, I do know there are times when we have to sit very quietly and just listen to what God is trying to tell us or even do in us.
God bless you as you seek...
I sometimes wonder what I should be when I grow up and then it hits me --I am grown up. Sometimes life decides for us and everything falls into place. It gives us something else to think about.
ReplyDeleteI ponder that very thing all the time. Why am I here? What should I be doing? I hope to figure it out some day :)
ReplyDeleteLove the shot and the texture!
Wishing you the best, Tricia. I think an afternoon nap (like you were having) is a perfect and productive time to contemplate life. I certainly love your blog, your photos and your stories!
ReplyDeleteI understand your restlessness. I too struggle with what I want to be when I grow up. And I'm not sure if blogging is helping or hindering that? I see all sorts of new opportunities, yet not sure if they are my true calling. Hope you have a wonderfully relaxing weekend.
ReplyDeleteI used to feel like that all the time and sometimes I still do, although not as strong as I used to feel. Now I just take it day by day and give thanks for what I have and so grateful that I am still alive and here on this earth.
ReplyDelete(Please don't take any of that the wrong way, it's not meant that way.)
Maybe you need some time away and you should go on a little vacation?
I understand, I often feel very similar but never express myself so eloquently...to your journey.
ReplyDeleteTiffany
oh by the way, I was at the Southern Grace blog and moved back to the one I am at now. Guess I was also feeling a little restless, but thank you for following me on the other blog. I am still contemplating using it for a gardening blog. {I'm just kind of silly (or is it confused) that way}
ReplyDeleteTricia,
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have found better words myself to describe how I feel most of the time. Time goes by so quickly and then catches up with us before we know it. I have big dreams still for my life but I also have littler ones that I try to achieve and work on everyday.
Take time for yourself...explore all you can ~
If you need or want to talk, I'm all ears. :)
Sarah
sometimes we don't need all the answers ... just a direction...
ReplyDeleteit will come!
Oh, Tricia, this could be me writing this! I feel your pain and hope you find answers and solutions. Take care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand sweet Tricia.
ReplyDeleteTake your time...pondering is good.
Im like that too :)
Blessings!!
Deborah xoxo
I understand...more than you know.
ReplyDelete:-)
Hugs,
Anne
You described the fly so accurately. I have experienced the same many times this summer of sitting on the sofa with the fly stuck in the window trying to find its way out. About the weariness...keep pondering and searching your heart. I am a big believer in 'being' rather that 'doing'. When I feel like I should be doing something, or doing more with my life, I have to sit back and just 'be' and remember that it is enough. How we live is more important than what we do...kindness, thoughtfulness, caring, compassion, tenderheartedness, love. I see all of these in you. I hope you find peace within. ox
ReplyDeleteconfusion/doubt/wandering can just ruin us, can't it??!! i know how you feel. i wish the answer was easy. i do know that you have a beautiful spirit and have a deep talent for decorating and photography. wait for the prompting in your spirit...it'll come.
ReplyDeleteHi sweet friend. Guess what, you're not alone. I'm right there with you, and I think by looking at your comments, so are many of the other readers. Take your time, think and just listen. The answers are there. Hugs
ReplyDeleteTricia..After losing my son I decided I would never waste a moment....Easier said than done, after all, we are human. I too am feeling like a lot of your friends and having your feelings. I feel there is something I need to do. I know the direction I'm headed and I am very close..I can feel it. I found I needed to be still and listen...listen...listen..to Gods plan. He will send you the path..just be quiet and be willing to follow him...Happy searching..Two Tulips Talking
ReplyDeleteI hear ya sister...as we do share the same brain. What happened to us? God must have something good planned but we need to take action... Be the change we wish to see. (And something like a J sandwich and a stiff one wouldn't hurt either - what did we say?...it goes hand in hand? ya that's right ;)
ReplyDeleteHi Tricia!
ReplyDeleteOh I can SOO relate to what you are saying! I feel the *same* way.. like the fly knowing where it wants to go, but a little confused or even frustrated at how to get there. Ten years ago I was so passionate about doing spa facials and makeup.. I pursued it.. worked hard to establish a steady clientele, but my mind was wandering to other things such as having a baby, and I just wasn't feeling 100% love toward the business anymore. Now here I am almost 6 years of staying at home and wondering what life has in store in the next few years with my kids both reaching school age. I just know I have to do something creative.. I will continue to take nursing classes for something to "fall back on" if destiny does not hold something creative for me (as I want) in the future. Just follow your heart and put all your passion & heart into what you want for yourself... and the rest will follow. Now I need to listen to my own advice.. ;)
Have a nice weekend!
Hugs,
Lara
In the meantime... I enjoy your talent so much, and look forward to each beautiful post!
ReplyDeleteTricia,
ReplyDeleteHello to the sweet lady who left the "first comment" on my nearly nonexistent blog. ;) I have to confess, I OFTEN feel the same way...not so long ago, I decided to begin my journey on a path that I'm still so uncertain about. I'm not quite sure where it will take me, or if it will satisfy my own restlessness, but I suppose I will take a chance and run with it... I hope you find your peace, I know I'm still struggling with mine.
Hugs from Los Angeles,
Jessie
Hi Tricia~ Im amazed how you can put your thoughts to writing..I love your openness and I wish I could express myself like you. If I was closer I would give you a big hug my friend... xo Rachel
ReplyDeleteWhat is the thing you do that you most feel like the "real you" when you are doing it? God's blessing is on the real you, not in trying to be or do something other than He created you to be/do. He's head over heels for you and has a wonderful plan and purpose for you.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel and sometimes feel that way also. Hugs to you...gorgeous image
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with ya, sister :)
ReplyDeleteJust know you are not in that boat alone
Becky
Always remember
ReplyDeletethat your blog
is for YOU; you
should never feel
bad about turning
your attention to
the real world around
you....I can completely
relate to your sentiments,
here; I'm still figuring
it out, myself. Good
luck and I hope you find
peace in the search.
xx Suzanne
Take a blogging break. Dabble in a few things that interest you. Try something new that you have always wanted to do. Heck, try two or three. I didn't realize how much I loved mixed media art until I was 40. Now, I have a passion and a hobby that helps fufill me. It was a perfect way to round out my life. I was happy being a mom, wife and having a career but needed something to excite me and get my creative juices flowing. I hope you find your passion.
ReplyDeleteTricia, where you are now....will take you where you need to be. Look at it in a positive light.
ReplyDeleteLife is a wonderful journey.
Barb ♥
First time to visit!! I love , love, love your blog! I'm following along... don't want to miss anything here. Lovely!!
ReplyDeleteFollow your heart and dreams and I have faith you will get there one day! You are talented and inspiring to so many of us and your sweet comments fulfill our hearts. I wish you peace and much happiness!
ReplyDeletemuch love,
xo Cheryl
Sometimes, we just need to "be" Tricia.
ReplyDeleteDo yourself a favor, and give yourself the time to do that.
Sending you a hug and a smile.
I completely know where you're coming from and am constantly contemplating life etc.
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs, smiles and love your way.
Hugs,
Marie
Giving your time to the ones around you is so very important. You have so much great advice here in the comments, and you are such a talented lady. Pondering is a good way to find your path. (I sure hope in includes photography) :)
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful weekend.
Blessings,
Marcia
I totally understand your dilemma! Sometimes I feel that I have missed the boat on so many levels. I can't change the past and must remind myself to count my blessings and try to make the most out of my future. My blog helps me to live my words, living by example is a huge gift to those around you. Just know that you bring many a sense of peace thru your photography. That certainly counts for an awful lot in my book!
ReplyDeleteFantastic work Tricia! so dreamy atmosphere! Very beautiful!
ReplyDeleteMy dad just turned 50 this year and when I asked him what he wanted to do with the rest of his life he said very contentedly that he is still figuring that out.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is really a time limit on trying to determine your goals and dreams because things change and then you discover new passions and amazing hobbies and start pursuing those :)
xoxo
Olivia
p.s. I love your blog it's so gorgeous!
I don't think I Ever want to grow up...time enough for that when I'm dead...Lolol
ReplyDeleteJust take each new day as it's given, and play with it. It surely is a gift...
Enjoy your day!
hughugs
Tricia, it's obvious many of us have had your same thoughts at some time or another. The frustration of a dream gone unfulfilled, maybe a discontent now and then with the direction our lives have taken. I think we're all capable of more than we think we are, it's just our other responsibilities and / or most probably fear on some level, that keep us from taking those first brave steps. It sounds like you're taking time to listen to your heart and that's a start. You're very talented & your blog always inspires. :)
ReplyDeleteI think we all have been there and still are but I think it is just life. We all think what should I do or not, there is always something but what is that something!!!! I don't think that too much because more and more I think about it more things tender to be "wrong". We just have accept that our lives will not be perfect or how we imaged it would be:)
ReplyDeleteTake your time
I think we can all identify at one time or another, Tricia...I've been spending less time on, too...so much life going on! You are such a talented woman...take time for yourself and do what you FEEL like doing! Sending loving thoughts your way...XO
ReplyDeleteHello Tricia and I hope you have a great week-end. I love what the person wrote about you having a beautiful spirit and deep talent for decorating and photography. I agree wholeheartedly!
ReplyDeleteoh, the blue bottle trees actually originated in the Congo and the African Slaves brought the tradition here. I guess they are showing up all over now, and not just in the South.
Such beautiful and inspiring comments you have received!
Sending you smiles too!
Beautifully written dear! Keep it up dear!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.....
ReplyDeleteOh sweet friend, I know exactly how you feel. I always say that I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. I feel things inside me but there is always that shield or smudged glass in front of me that holds me back, I am not sure if it is doubt, fear, laziness or a combo of all these things. I wish I could grab hold of something and let it flow. I hope and pray that you find a place and know that you are not alone. Also, I know I have told you but your photography is so beautiful that I truly believe that you could really do some great things with it. Do what makes you happy my friend. :)
ReplyDeletehugs!
xoxo
Look at all the fabulous support you are getting! No wonder, your post was pure poetry, and most people can relate on some level.
ReplyDeleteRemember, life is a path, not a destination.
There are times when we question what we need to do with our lives. I have found if we just sit and listen, calm our minds, our buzzing gives way to an answer. I have felt the same way many times, feel in a slump or what my purpose is...I still don't know! but just have to put one foot in front of the other. You are very talented and I enjoy your blog and photos. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that we are where we are because God placed us there. Sometimes we feel like we're wandering aimlessly or feel confused about who we are, but don't let that get you down, sweetie. God knows exactly the path that he set your feet on. So just keep on keepin'on and trust him allllll the way down the road. He'll show you your new purpose when the time is right! And it'll be even better than it is now!! ♥
ReplyDeletexoxo laurie
Dear Tricia I can so relate to this Post... Life can become so very full and hectic that the dreams and plans we most cherish can often become obscured by the passing of days... which seems to be a blink of an eye as we mature. I often wonder when I will finally get around to those things I've always wanted and dreamed of doing, places I have on the 'bucket list' to go before I pass from time into eternity... and I Hope that I will not run out of time to experience those things before it is too late... Here I am already a Great-Grandmother and I have yet to make it to Bora-Bora! *Gasp... time is a wasting... winks*
ReplyDeleteMay all of your dreams and plans manifest into your realities...
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian
I have been there.. When I was in my early 40's. I.. for some reason felt like I needed some kind of purpose in life. I think I drove my hubby crazy. A little depressed because I couldn't figure it out. Then I started to think Everyone doesn't need to know there purpose. And I just tried to live in the moment. Be happy with this here moment. . And life has been a lot simpler now.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it was time. As I am almost 50 now.. Who knows.. But I am going with it..
Nice to see you back. I understand what you mean....
ReplyDeleteHope you're doing well.
I am a follower Love your blog and I live in MN too. Stay cool!!!
ReplyDeleteYou state so elegantly what I often feel! I wish you peace!
ReplyDeleteI've just got to echo what you and so many have said Tricia. Recently had my seventieth birthday and still feel the same.people like us may not have everything figured as to where/ what we should be, butd doesn't it mean we are still open to all the possibities life has to offer though?
ReplyDeleteI love the bit of writing I remember from somewhere that says," Man is not a fixed datum..." No, - we are after all a bundle of potentialities, may bes, and endless options, and hopes. Even at my age I still believe that! so go on dreaming! x
i just left a comment but my identity didn't load! (i'm the seventy year old!
ReplyDeleteI think it's really interesting the amount of comments that have also experienced the same feeling as you.
ReplyDeleteI think that all our souls are constantly yearning to be closer to our actual purpose... Like the magnetic pull north on a compass, your soul is also seeking something. Just don't let it get distracted by what 'we are told' it is you're seeking I.e. Career, family, things. Good luck. (love your blog) x